Well, we’re off to the gorgeous state of Colorado, aka “God’s Country.”  Hurrah!

This morning Will asked “one of those” questions: “Mommy, how does your tummy get small again?”  In order to avoid having to explain how my uterus has to painfully shrink down to its normal size, etc, I just said, “When the baby comes out there will be a lot more room in my tummy and it will start to get smaller.”  Then Will shared his own thoughts on the matter:

“I know what will happen.  When the baby is ready to come out, your tummy will pop like a balloon and the baby will come out, and then your tummy will come back together and will turn back to little.”

I had to chuckle (and grimace) at the thought of my belly popping like a balloon in order to release this babe, and for now I’m glad that we haven’t had to get into how babies actually do  come out.

Yesterday evening our little family pulled into our driveway around 5:30.  Dan and I kissed each other (not necessarily part of our routine when we pull into the driveway, but it happens sometimes), got the boys out of the car and went into the house for the night.  This morning was his morning off work and we spent it doing things around the house.  A little before noon he was looking for the car key and couldn’t find it, so he walked out to see if he’d accidentally left it in the car.  He came back in a few seconds later, a look of disbelief on his face.  “The car was running,” he told me.  What?  How in the world does that happen?   All we can figure is that Dan didn’t turn off the car before we kissed, and after that he was so overcome with love for me that he couldn’t think straight just went ahead and got out of the car.  Geniouses that we are, neither one of us happened to notice that the car was still turned on as we opened our doors, unloaded the boys and our stuff, shut the doors, and went inside.  We left the car idling in our driveway for 18 hours straight.  Thankfully there was just enough gas left in the tank for him to coast down the hill near our neighborhood to a gas station and fill ‘er up.  Seriously, though, we are in dire need of a vacation.  That’s why we’re taking one tomorrow - and it comes not a moment too soon!  We’re laughing about it already, but we feel rather moronic, and we’re just thankful that nobody drove away in our car while it was burning gas in our driveway.  Man…

We have to be at church every Sunday morning between 7 and 8:15.  This is how our morning typically looks:

40 minutes before we have to leave: I drag myself cheerfully hop out of bed and into the shower, trying to decide what I’m going to wear so that I can determine whether or not I need to shave my legs.

25 minutes before we have to leave: I wake Dan up.  He gets in the shower while I grab outfits for the boys and make sure the diaper bags are stocked.  I also begin attempting to wake up our children.  *Sidenote: I’ve noticed that on the mornings we need to get out the door, my boys all sleep like logs.  On the days that we could sleep in, though, they’re often up and at ‘em long before I’m ready for that.  Argh.

5-15 minutes before we have to leave: I dress the boys, then get milk and cereal to take to church, where the boys and I will partake our breakfast before the services/Sunday school classes actually start.  Dan gathers what he needs (which is sometimes just his bag and is sometimes several instruments) and helps the kids with their shoes and into the car.  I grab all the diaper bags and we are outta here.

Now, if we make it out the door with more time to spare, we will often take a slight detour on the way to church, a detour which conveniently leads us past the nearest Starbucks.  This is often all the breakfast Dan ever gets, and the man has a non-stop job for the entire morning, so it’s a happy thing when we get to go.  The boys sometimes plead for chocolate milk, but that wish is only granted on very special occasions. 

The point of all of this fascinating information is a conversation that took place between Will and Aiden tonight at dinner. 

Aiden: I like coffee!

Will: Do you want non-fat, no whip?

*For the record, although we have been good-naturedly teased about it, we do not allow our children to drink espresso!  We don’t want to stunt their growth, after all.

I came home after graduating from Bible School in the summer of ‘99 with a boyfriend who lived in Atlanta.  We talked on the phone fairly often, but we were both settling into our lives in our respective cities and getting ready to go back to (or in my case, begin) college.  I jumped right back into one of my favorite aspects of life here - Jr. High ministry.  At summer camp that year I got to know this guy Gary better, since I had just met him right before leaving for Colorado the previous fall.  I also met his son Jon, who was going into 8th grade, although I didn’t really get to know Jon until later that year.  Gary was a great guy who was kind of quiet but very sincere and he obviously loved the Jr. High kids.  Whenever he said anything to me it was always very encouraging. 

I also became re-involved with the college group.  It had grown a lot in the year I’d been gone (exploded, really) and they had started having a time of worship as part of the weekly meeting.  It was rather informal, as we were all crammed into the living room of our leaders’ house, but it was good stuff.  The guy who usually led it was named Dan, and he was an amazing worship leader, even at the age of 19.  Although we may or may not have officially met before, that summer was when we began to get to know each other (very casually), as we both hung out with the college group.

1. Tuesday night: Dan and I went to see “My One and Only” at the Muny.  Neither of us had seen this Gershwin musical before, and we both really enjoyed it.  It’s fun, cute, and slightly quirky.
2. Thursday night/Friday morning: 4 delightful high school girls came over and we (including Dan!  What a guy!) watched Pride and Prejudice - the A&E 5-hour-long version, which is where it’s at.  I could go on for hours about how much I love this movie and how much I love the book.  If you have never seen this movie, you must watch it.  Now.  Around 2/3 of the way through (at 2:30 am or so) Dan and I realized that we were the only ones still awake, so we turned it off and finished watching it this morning over a yummy breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes. *Sidenote: this is actually the second time that Dan has seen the long version of P&P - he made it through the short one a couple of years ago and enjoyed it, so my birthday gift that year was the long version and his company during it.  He really likes it, but who wouldn’t?  If your husband/boyfriend/brother has never seen this movie, I highly encourage you to watch it with them.  All guys can learn a thing or two from Mr. Darcy.  ;)
3. Saturday morning: Going to see Get Smart with some friends of ours.
4. Saturday afternoon: Tickets to see “Joseph and Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” with Dan’s grandma.
5. Next Tuesday: The last Muny show of the season, “Fiddler on the Roof.”  Always a winner.

Good shows = Good times

The latest book that I get to blog about is entitled The Healing Choice.  Written by two women who have experienced both the hurt and betrayal of their husbands’ sexual sin, and the redemption and renewal that only God can bring about, this book is honest, forthright, and caring.  In the first section Brenda Stoeker, whose husband wrote Every Man’s Battle, tells the story of her mother’s death from cancer, which caused her to feel abandoned and betrayed by God.  Her faith was shaken to the core as she seriously questioned Him and her relationship with Him.  At the end of her difficult journey through pain she prayed for years not to experience, she realized that her story, and her need for healing, had similar aspects to that of a woman betrayed by her husband.  The second half of the book is Susan Allen’s story of her husband’s infidelities and how God used those to draw her (and her husband) to Himself.  She says, “[God] allowed me to face my worst fear and find Him in the process, showing me that my pain and emptiness was what drove me back to Him.” (p. 171)

Because I’m still working through this book (surprise!), I’ve included the publisher’s summary below: 

Summary: 

In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved—and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away?

 

Amid the devastation that follows a spouse’s sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband’s sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family.

 

The Healing Choice reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.

 

Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God’s promise of hope.

I wasn’t going to review this book at first, because I really didn’t think I’d be able to identify with these women.  My husband hasn’t had any affairs, and he’s not addicted to pornography.  But he is a man, and he struggles with the temptation to lust like any other guy.  I know this because he’s honest with me, and it’s hard for me just knowing that he’s even being tempted.  It stinks.  On p. 190 Susan Allen clarifies the definition of pornography as “the depiction of an image intended to arouse sexual desire.”(The American Heritage Dictionary)  By this standard, our husbands are bombarded with pornographic images every day, everywhere they turn.  This really stinks!  I also struggle with my own insecurities, and am sometimes tempted to dwell on “what ifs?” such as, “What if one day I’m not pretty enough for him?”  ”What if he meets another woman that he’s more attracted to, or enjoys being with more than he enjoys being with me?”  ”What if he connects emotionally with another woman and betrays me in that way?” “What if Satan takes an innocent friendship and twists it into a horrid, ugly, adulterous relationship?”  Because of my sinful tendency to worry, I end up being assaulted by fear and distrust, which can be just as harmful to our marriage. 

Now, anyone who knows Dan and me knows that we have an incredible marriage.  It is founded in and built upon God, and we are both still amazed at the love that He has given us.  We are best friends, and we love each other like crazy.  Yet there are times that we are not “in love,” or the day has been difficult, or we’re not communicating well, and these sorts of things - the temptation to lust and the temptation to fear - can rear their ugly heads and threaten to chip away at our relationship.  So I appreciate that this book speaks to women about how they can choose the amazing healing of the Lord, regardless of the depth and nature of their wounds - be it a husband who struggles with lust or one who has had numerous affairs or one who is addicted to pornography - and independent of whether or not their husband has even repented of his sin.  They can still choose to seek, and find, the healing that God offers.

If you are interested in reading The Healing Choice or if you know anyone who is need of the hope offered within it, I have 2 extra copies available to give away.  Feel free to comment regardless, but if you want a copy of the book sent to you please let me know.  I’ll do a drawing again.  I also have one copy of the companion “guidebook” which I would recommend for anyone who has really been wounded by a husband’s sexual sin.  If you don’t want to comment, but are interested in receiving a copy, email me at jamiehartke (at) gmail (dot) com.  You can also order both the book and the guidebook from Amazon.com

Random prego stuff:

• Still puking almost every day.  Par for the course with my pregnancies, unfortunately.  I think being hot makes it worse, so I try not to spend too much time outside in this blasted humidity.
• Getting bigger, but I haven’t had to wear any maternity clothes yet.  I’m going to try to buy some this weekend and take advantage of this whole tax-free business.  For each of my other pregnancies, a friend from church loaned me her maternity clothes (she likes to shop, me, not so much), but she moved to Florida a couple months ago so now I have to actually purchase some more of my own!  I’m going to try to be creative, though, and buy some regular “babydoll” type tops and dresses that I can wear when I’m not pregnant, too, in addition to actual maternity gear.
• I love cotton jersey capris and gauchos.  So comfy.
• Josh doesn’t quite get the whole baby concept, but he loves poking my belly button.
• A conversation (awhile ago) with Will about the baby:

Me: Will, do you want this baby to be a boy or a girl?

Will: This baby is going to be a girl.

Me (in light of our track record): What if it’s a boy?

Will: It can’t be a boy.  We would have too many.

Me: Well, God is the one who decides if it’s a boy or a girl.

Will (immediately): Dear God, please let this baby be a girl, because we have too many boys.  Amen.

I still bring it up every now and again because I don’t want him to be disappointed, but he’s adamant that this baby needs to be a girl.  I love having boys, but I kinda hope he’s not disappointed (not to mention the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and teens that are rooting for us to finally have a daughter! 

Dan preached on Ecclesiastes 9 on Sunday, and he did so well!  I’m not just saying that because I’m his wife, either.  God has gifted him immensely as a worship leader, and it’s a joy to see him use that gift nearly every week, but it’s really fun to listen to him teach, too, because God has gifted him in that area, too.  Every once in a while I get to sit in on a Bible study that he leads, but he rarely gets to teach in a large group setting, since he’s always leading worship.

The whole book of Ecclesiastes deals with the problems of life.  Life is tough, and it sometimes stinks, royally.  Yet it is often wonderful, as well.  Solomon says that we should enjoy the life that God has given us, for we never know when it will be over.  Yet we can know that it is all in the hands of God, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  So we can live without fear or worry!  Worry, or being anxious, is one of the biggest sins in my life, I think.  While I shouldn’t live frivolously, I should live today well, loving God and others, and let tomorrow rest in His hands (where it is anyway).

Thanks, Jesus, for all You have given me, and for giving me Yourself so that I can enjoy life both now and through eternity.

The mother that I wrote about a few days ago was just told that her unborn baby, now diagnosed with heart block, is probably not going to make it.  There is only a 5% chance that he will survive to 32 weeks when he could be delivered and put on a pacemaker.  She is asking that we pray for that 5%, and for her family, especially her and her husband, in all of this.  She closed by saying, “Be still and know that He is God.”  Please pray.